All She Wrote...

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world...I miss you like hell."

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 00:00:25 GMT

Missing someone is the worst emotion ever. Does anyone else agree? I miss way too many people, all the time, and it just hurts. Not because they're people that aren't in my life anyone. No, I think that'd be so much easier. It's because they're in my life mentally, but physically they're lacking.

Sure, I told Ames to go. I bought her the plane ticket and picked up all of the dirty laundry that she left behind. And I wouldn't take that back for the world because my best friend is so fucking happy it's not even funny. And for once, I don't care if it was a boy that made her happy. Because he missed her and she missed him so they both made it work with what they had (or didn't have). And they're still happy. There isn't a catch to the story aside from me missing my best friend something fierce.

Ayyyyyy. Oh, Aiden. I hate you so much it hurts, you know that right? Cause I do. But I think I'm in love with you just as much, so whatever. I see you every twelve days. And then we get two days to be together. It's really not enough and I'm not a fan. How was it somehow easier to manage this entire "missing you" thing when you were far away? That makes absolutely no sense. But THAT makes sense because that's how we work. You get that right? I'd only ever expect you to.

And then there's Kenny Boo, who I really wish could just live here and make me happy all the time. He needs to stop being my perfect best friend because it's becoming really detrimental toward my psyche. I was actually going to post pictures from when he was visiting, but they'd just cause problems...and I'd enjoy them much more if I knew fangirls weren't cutting out my head and photoshopping in their own for their band fanfiction and such. (Which, by the way, please don't ever read and/or write band ff...I'll punch you in the cooter so fast you wouldn't even be able to say 'slap my ass and call me sally', kkthanks!)

Now I'm rambling and falling completely off topic. But fun fact...those "how I lost weight" ads that appear on the side of the page are complete bull-honky. And the fat version of this girl needs to wear clothing that fits...and doesn't say inappropriate statements across the chest.

Youuuuuuu knowwwwwwwwww!

x. Elle

Nostalgic as fuh.

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 02:13:07 GMT

An old friend posted a status on facebook and I couldn't help but think that it was meant for me. I saw it, and commented on it. I casually joked about how I was the one that introduced him to the song. Because I did.

It's funny how the people you try to forget are the only ones you really have memories with. Why is that?

A lot of people from my past have been coming back into my life and I don't know how to take it. I'm supposed to be that strong girl, the one that forgives and forgets and ultimately, moves on. I want to hate a lot of people. Especially him, but I can't. I hate myself for that.

I'm already looking back
I'm already looking around
Where did we get off the track
What wass it that brought us down
I'm already waking up
Or have I've been asleep too long
Losing you is hard enough
Not knowing anything was wrong
Changes come but where they go?
You'll never know

I don't think I know anymore.

"Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions..."

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 20:50:25 GMT

I can't say too much, because I enjoy keeping my private life private, but that's the issue. Everything is different when it's personal. We talk and beg and gossip and insult people in the media because it's easy and in a way it's fun. It's also all our generations knows. We know that it's much easier to sit behind a keyboard and spout off at the mouth then to stand up for ourselves and listen to the entire story before making a decision. Even I am guilty of all the above.

It's nice to pretend that we know what's going on in other people's lives but we don't and most of the time, we never will. They say think before you speak, but it's more than that. Think before you walk and talk and act upon something you most likely have no grounds on. But now it's personal and it kills. Hearing someone I consider to be a sister called a number of profanities because a group of fans, ones that I usually associate myself with, think they know what happened over the internet, is disgusting. And it hurts even more to know that Piper is so strong and just taking it. I only wish to someday have an ounce of the strength that she has.

An ounce and a half, maybe.

I love my family. And I understand now, more than ever, why people always say I am so lucky. And I am. I'm ridiculously blessed and I take everything that I have for granted everyday. I was taught not to hate, so I'm not mad, just disappointed. The world can do that sometimes.

x. Elle

Gone fishin'

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 02:12:43 GMT

With my girls and life is good, mannn!

We're all such dudes. Seriously. Piper and Audrey have finished an entire box of wine (yes, a BOX) all of which was started at 2 this afternoon. Yeah, we're cool. And somewhere along there, Kitching attempted at shoving Sea Breeze's down my throat. Damn, I need friends my own age. There are families down the lake, like staring at us. They hate my friends and me for always coming up here and hanging out. Whatever. I love days like this. It doesn't get much better that sitting on the deck balcony above the lake and watching boats go by.

I'm not making a lot of sense. Who even knows?

Ooooh! But I am going on vacation soon! Who's excited?! OHMYGOD...me tooo! I decided today that I have an unhealthy obsession with travel and everything that goes along with it. Like packing, whoever invented the concept (or, more likely, understood that when you travel, you needed to take certain things with you) needs to be friends with me. I freaking love packing. Everything about it. I went to get toiletries for a few things and such. And it made my day. Packing makes me happy. Almost as happy as leaving town in general. Not sure if that's a healthy obsession but we'll address it later when it seems to be an issue.

Hmmm. What else? I did a livechat last night and it was bunches of fun! Honestly, as first I was super nervous, because almost five minutes before, there were only two people there, but right at nine, everyone showed up and it was rad! I'm definitely going to do one again soon! And to anyone that came, and is reading this, go you!

Okay. Off to eat pizza rolls that would most likely taste better if I was drunk.

Love you all!

x. Elle

True Story: I am NOT dead.

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 16:24:34 GMT

Yippy Skippy to restarting blogs on livejournal!

So last night Annette (_pose) and I were discussing blogging and how we both used to have livejournals. After a series of "no ways!" and "me toos!" we both shared out journals and decided that we were both going to start ours up again. So here it goes.

Wow, sidenote--I haven't been on in so long that my icon is Haley looking at the wedding picture. Wow. Sad. OTH has started to fall out of my heart, though I will always lovelovelove it, but still, that picture never fails to make me want to cry. That scene was pure genius...season seven better have scenes like that. At least if people weren't happy it was properly executed. If I could live in season three for the rest of my life, I would.

Hmm. What's going on lately? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. But Aiden's home and I'm super happy about that. Seriously, I'm the most crabby person while he's at camp and this year with Ames on Warped, it's like my mood hitting the emo-trifecta. Speaking of Warped though, I'm super excited about going and working merch and seeing all of my boys...and Hannah! I feel like such a rockstar with them. It's the best and yes, "we're legit".

OH! So I guess I'm ridiculously indecisive lately. Like people tell me things and one day I'll look at the situation positively and the next day I'll want to stab myself in the face with forks to put myself out of the pain of listening to the same.goddamn.story. over and over again. I don't know how to react because I knew if I said what I really (like REALLY) wanted to, I'd lose a friend and that sucks. And now writing this, thinking about posting it, I'm laughing because I know for a fact someone is going to think it's about them, and it's not.

Off to waste away another summer day. But! I'm going to the bookstore and then out with Aiden for the night! YES! *fist in the air*

I love you all...mostly.

Peace&&Love
x. Elle

Let the vulgarity ensue...!?

Fri, 30 May 2008 22:45:12 GMT

Disclaimer: The rant below is in no way a reflection of myself, as an individual. Don't judge me? Aha.
~~~
How dare she! My mother, for lack of a...better word, is a cunt. I swear to god, there are times where the things she does drive me so god damn insane I want to punch babies. Over and over again just so that she'll get the point and shut her mouth.

She only lives with me on the weekends. She spends the week in our Manhattan flat...and thank god!

She's just so different then me (I take after my dad) so that anytime I do something that goes against her, regardless of the morals behind it, it's wrong...just because its not what she would do. And we're talking dumb stuff. Like when I talk about the upcoming election. My reasons for voting for so-and-so aren't right. I should have stronger points to back up my statements. Like, is she for real?

Oh god. But today! She started yelling at me because I asked her for a ride to school the other day when she clearly had to be at work by then. Oh, you're right mother, let's blame my ass for you being late. That makes complete fucking sense! I'm sorry I didn't think of that before. Really! And then she was like "Why don't you have one of your other friends drive you in. Oh wait! You don't have any friends because you're such a bitch"

Now, mind you, before I rant about my mothers comment, lemme just tell you that she seems to think that by calling me a bitch she's the only mother of a teenage girl to do so. Do you understand how many times I go into school and one of my friends (the ones that I apparently don't have) will be like "my mom thinks I'm a bitch" and then like seventeen other people will be like "me too!"...!? Smooth, mother.

Real. Fucking. Smooth.

Anyway. I did lose a lot of friends this year but it wasn't my fault. It takes two to tango and I was not left out on that dance floor alone. Basically, my group of like twenty friends split into like five groups of four people. Tragic? Absolutely. But now I wouldn't change it for the world. My mother, however, knows how much I was hurt by the entire thing when it first happened. I was a wreck. Friends are my family and when shit hit the fan, I didn't handle it well and inevitably, broke down. But how dare my mother to bring that up like a little caddy bitch, knowing it was going to hurt me. It shouldn't have. I have tons of friends, even after losing some of the closest ones. But she's right, as Schwahny would like to say; "it got pretty dark there for awhile...".

UGH!@#!$!@#?
~~~
Sorry guys, you really don't have to read this. If you got this far...I'm sorry you're so bored =P

Sweet Escape.

Mon, 26 May 2008 00:18:38 GMT

My boyfriend and I totally just left town today and went to my family's beach house. It was pretty much my life. It was really pretty out too and the sun actually made the beach pleasant.

We saw "What Happens In Vegas..." and it wasn't bad. I wouldn't recommend any of you going out and paying money to see it right this moment, but it was worth it. Would I say the same thing if Ashton Kutcher was not such a sexy beast? Absolutely not! Seriously, that boy is quite attractive and currently because me and JamesHo are not on good terms, he's filling the void in my heart. He had on socks and thong sandals and I didn't care because he was that attractive! Honestly though, I really feel like Ashton (oh yeah, we're totally on a first-name basis with each other =p) is a really down to earth guy. He's cute, absolutely hilarious and despite what everyone else says, him and Demi Moore are smokin'! Hear that? No I dropped the final consonant. That's how hot they are...

OH! So last night we were walking on the strip and around the time that we left these kids about our age are walking around preaching about god. Now, I was raised Catholic and I love J-man as much as the next kid, but these people were pushing it a little far. This gay couple walked by (I'm not stereotyping, it was a man and a man holding hands. Totally cute.) and they basically yelled at them for being gay. They told them that because they were gay, that they were going to hell unless they repent. And this is where my problems with the Catholic Church begin. I'm not going to continue to rant because I'd only seem to be a part of the problem; the problems with religion in this country and others. Let's just say this world has a lot of problems and religion shouldn't be one of them.

*sighs* I'm in a pissed off/confused/hyper mood, can you tell?

Lost. Or something like it...?

Sat, 24 May 2008 00:06:14 GMT

According to my log-in page I haven't posted in about twenty-two weeks. But for me, after my slight break in March, I've been on almost everyday to read and such. You guys are amazing and although I haven't commented, all of the Fanfiction has been great.

Speaking of...OTH, anyone? Some of my friends are really disappointed and rightly so.
1. WHERE ART THOU NALEY?! (nuff said)
2. Am I the only one that is completely over BL or LP? I am a die hard Brucas supporter at heart, mostly because I absolutely love Chad and Sophia's chemistry but also because I can totally connect with their relationship (putting aside teenage pregnancy and rockstar monkey sex =p) However, lately, I could care less about either or them. I know at this point that there is no future for Brucas and have completely accepted it because I honestly think Brooke can do better. I'm also starting to realize that no matter how much I convince myself otherwise Lucas and Peyton are meant to grow old together in ignorant brooding bliss.
3. Haley is pregnant and even if she's not...well she is. Hear that, Schwahny? Married couples have hot kinky married sex (preferably in forbidden places and in taboo positions) and produce wonderfully adorable children that I often plot to kidnap when I finally travel down to Wilmy. (See: Scott Child 1/James Lucas Scott/Jackson Brundage)
4. Am I the only one that feels for Lindsey? Nearly all of my friends are LP supporters, so I'm not really expecting anyone to agree with me on this one, but that girl has heart and watching some of her scenes makes me fall apart so quickly. Oh, and I'm also on the quest to convince people that Michaela McManus is, in fact, gorgeous. My LP friends disagree because they're jealous. *nods*
5. I laughed when Dan got hit by the car. Yes, I realize I now have a one in a million chance of making it past the pearly gates, but I was expecting that long before, around I starting spewing profanities at my TV while watching prior OOC nanny sequences. But honestly! That dummy? Jesus, OTH, are we now so low budget that we can't afford acrylic hair (as opposed to that STRAW) for Danny Boy?
6. Skillz and Deb...oh dear lord. You know it's a crime when two horn dogs get more action than the married couple...you know, the same married couple that keeps the rating for this show going...Mark needs to watch his back!

Uggh. I didn't realize that I was disappointed until after finishing that rant. Maybe it's the lack of postage. Hmm. Okay, so does anyone want to fill me in on the entire James/Sophia fiasco? I personally think that they're not dating and that they're just really good friends, but I try to ignore rumors and stories about them being sited together because I am one of the biggest JL-whores you'll ever meet. I don't know. I flip-flop. But so far, all I've seen are the charity game photos and the LAX photos. Am I missing something? And Courtney (I think it's you) what are these stories of James bad-talking Sophia? I'm so out of the loop. *sighs*

HELP? (and a comment saying 'hi' would be just as nice ;])

I finally have time to post

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 21:27:40 GMT

And the crowd goes wild...!!!

Aha. Joking. But seriously. Today in math I was going through withdrawal from my livejournal life. I had just finished choreographing a huge dance number for an upcoming show (in my head, mind you) and the only thing left to do was think about things I could be doing instead of math. God forbid I pay attention in that class. Seriously though! YaY!

Let the ranting begin..

Homeboy's home from college. Yup yup. Left school early to go see him at the airport. I brought him coffee from this local cafe that he loveeees and I made him a sign saying "Justin Bobby" on it. Because my friends hate that we date. (This is a Hills joke. For those of you that don't watch, I'm not sure if we can be friends anymore). He started laughing and yeah. Basically, it was amazing to see him.

Aside from my friends, I've realized that a lot of people are douchebags. This is totally a matter of opinion, but I'm so lucky to be surrounded by such amazing people and I sincerely feel bad for people that don't have that. Does that sound snobby? I don't mean for it to. But seriously. Like the crap that people put up with from their supposed friends makes my head spin. Maybe it's just me. I do tend to have this whole policy about the way people treat me, but for real! C'mon people, you're pathetic!

For example...

-If your boyfriend tells you he misses you...and fourteen of his other "friends"...RED FLAG!
-If your best friend often ditches (by this, I mean cancelling or not showing up) you to hang out with her boyfriend. And then blames you for not hanging out on school...RED FLAG!
-If all of your friends go out on a friday night and you find out about it on monday from the kid that no one talks to, that sits behind you in math...RED FLAG!
-If your girlfriend tells you she doesn't want to label your relationship and that she hates PDA, she's most likely embarrassed by your relationship. She's what we call a big fat lying whore...RED FLAG!

T%^*#$%ER^GH^%&, rightt?

You don't deserve it. Don't try and convince yourself otherwise, you coffeehouse emo kid wannabe <3

Happy Birthday Berry!?

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 01:04:51 GMT

I have no time to post.
This is in no way an exaggeration.
But, I do have time to wish Berry (

berrymcgregor) a very happy birthday!
Because she deserves it
...and I love herr!

#@dFG%^*$%!

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 20:27:37 GMT

I'm a terrible person.

I've pretty much heard this from everyone that I'm close to in the past week, so I'm taking this opportunity to extend that to you guys too. I haven't posted and/or responded on here in quite awhile, so I guess that makes me really really really sorry ( I just watched zoolander, ignore it).

But cheahh. I'm not ignoring any of you. I'm just busy. And this is the last thing on my mind right now. Sad, but my fanworld is so far off in the distance it's not even funny.

So yeahhh. I'll try and get on sometime later. Until then, I'm thinking of possible ways to ruin Mark Schwahn's life. Any ideas?

Don't make me gag.

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 00:14:48 GMT

If I see another Brathan FF, I might die.
I will jump off a tall building and hope for the best.
It being, that that couple never exists in this beautiful NH-filled world of ours.
That is all.
Goodnight, lovies <3

Speak OUT.

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 00:32:37 GMT

We had our annual speak-out today. Hosted by yours truly. It was a success, and that made me really happy. For those of you who don't know what a speak-out is, it's something I started last year, in which students are invited to meet with a group of board members, to discuss problems in our school. The board members are our principals, from both my school and the public school, and then one member from the board of education. Needless to say, it's a guaranteed good time.

Despite it being a really good outlet, it also brought up so many different issues in our school system. One was security. My friend Jeremy cracked me up so bad. He was like "the other day I walked into school with a locker and no one said anything. Don't get me wrong, I'm amazing, and I probably wouldn't stop me in the hall either. But it was a locker. Dead people fit into lockers..." Yeah, I almost broke down in tears I laughed so hard.

But! Things annoyed me too. This is actually why I'm posting...

*Disclaimer: The above was just ramble*

Not only was I hosting but I went to support my friends. During the show that I ADed, we allowed other clubs to fund-raise in their own ways. STATIC (Jesus Club as I like to call it), which stands for--something I can't remember right now--decided to hand out anti-gay, anti-muslim, and anti-contraception pamphlets. My school, because it is a school for the performing arts, and half of our population is of the homosexual orientation (stereotypes, sorry?), has an extremely strict policy against hate crimes of any kind. The public school, also shares this policy, and they were shocked when we brought this up to them. The part that really peeled my banana, was this kid that attended the speak-out, who was also a member of STATIC was being so god damn ignorant. To the point where I wanted to kick someone in the baby maker. Yes, it was that bad. He said that his club didn't stand for that, and that he didn't believe that it was his club that passed out the pamphlets. I don't mind people having an opinion, but at least be open to what others have to say. I absolutely hate when people express their opinion only to negate what everyone else and their mom has to say. Be open to ideas. You might learn something, douchebag!

I can tell you right now, that is NOT what Jesus would do.

Now I'm being ignorant. I apologize. I just don't understand how people can be so blind to certain things. Again with the stereotype, but being in theater, a good percentage of my friends are gay. And I even have friends outside of the stage that are gay. Maybe it's because I was brought up in such a liberal house, but I just don't understand any of it. Sure, the bible says marriage was meant for a man and a woman. But it also condemns the injustice of women and we've seem to ignore that. Why can't people ignore a person's sexuality? When gay couples do decide to get married, who cares? They're not getting married in your living room and their not forcing you to attend. They don't really care if you support them either. But at least let them be. Seriously, let those of a different orientation celebrate that in peace. They deserve that much.

Uggh. This is making me quite angry, can you tell?

Not to say that the anti-muslim packets weren't just as offensive. They were. And if not more of an offense at this day and age. But I just had to vent about the other thing. It really annoyed me. Ignorance is the most artificial form of intelligence and you have no idea how much it angers me to see how widely spread it really is.

Hate is not a weapon, people. It just makes you look weak!

BLAH?

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 05:03:12 GMT

Happy Birthday pinky_supergirl!

I won the SLOC award for best choreography. The actual show, won nothing. What this means is even if your show stinks out loud, your production staff can still beast it's way to an award =]

In all honesty though, the show is becoming slightly bareable and I'm no longer brainstorming suicide notes in my head. *lol* I have two, again, today. One is a sing-a-long. We might be back on track for that one. Aiden did say he'd come backstage and keep me sane, so we'll see. He did come through with flowers yesterday and Thursday...Hmmm.

I met this new kid Dan, or the walking oxymoron, as I like to call him. He wears all black and he is the happiest kid you will ever meet. He's friends with Aiden, which is also kind of weird is we're going by stereotypes-- the popular kid and the weird kid-- it doesn't sit well with everyone, but oh well. Anyway. He pretty much makes my life. Today he asked me if I thought he should own a wallaby. Like purchase and care for an animal that is near the size of a greyhound and smelly as all hell. Yes, once again, he makes my life.

I'm too tired to type anymore.

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 11:23:52 GMT

This kid comes into class yesterday and says "My back hurts, my ass hurts, and my neck hurts" And Mr Cat, so seriously goes, "Who gave it to you last night?"

And that is why I love him. I miss eighth grade english too much. Which is sad because it was about forever and a day ago, that I was in eight grade. So anywho. Just thought I'd share that.

My new english teacher, or BiPolar Billy as I like to call him, is a douchebag. Sometimes. He blows hot and cold like nobody's business. And I feel like I've learned absolutely nothing this year. I met with him twenty minutes after school so he could lecture me on how "beautifully awkward" my papers were. I might as well have been dropkicked about, um, seven times?

He makes me hate writing. And I told him that and he was like "Well, I'd hate to be the cause of a wasted talent" and then I quipped back with--Actually, I didn't respond. I thought about being rebellious but then decided that today wasn't my day to die.

My mom would have loovvvedd me for that.

I did get kicked out of class yesterday though. He gave his annual "fuck you" test, and I passed with flying colors. He told me I cheated. Then I did actually respond with "Who? Mike with the 47, or Jeremy with the 56?" Then he kicked me out. Side note: I walked out in glory. Seriously, the music to Rocky should have been playing in the background. That's how complacent I was.

Sorry, Had to get that out.

I won't be on for awhile. But a few ff updates would be nice. *CoughHintCough*

The show that I'm Choreographing/ADing for is being put on this weekend. Those kids make me want to drink sulfuric acid. And I mean that in the nicest way possible =]

Hello, World.

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 20:14:13 GMT

I just realized that being fairly new to lj, people probably have no idea who I really am. In an effort to avoid the inevitable awkward conversations, I'm stealing this meme from Diane (paradiseblue). I suppose it's relevant.

001: Name: Elizabeth
002. Nickname: Libby or Elle. Sometimes Piper. Depends who you are.
003. Single or taken: Taken =]
004. Zodiac sign: Capricorn
005. Male or female: Female
006. School: CCHS for the PA
007. iPod: Black Video iPod
008. How many buddies on your list: 13. Eeek. That's embarassing. But I'm also picky. And completely find with that number
009. Screenname: elleisforlovee
010. Hair color: Auburn
012. Hair, long or short: Medium
014. Eye color: Hazel
015. Are you a health freak: Yes, but you wouldn't be able to tell
016. Height: Around 5'6''
017. Do you have a crush on someone: Crush? No.
018. Do you like yourself: Eh. Honestly? Not usually.
019. Braces? Never
020. Think you're awesome? Definitely not. Aha.
021. Piercings: Three in each ear. And then my cartlidge.
022. Tattoo: Illegally getting one soon. I'm sooo badass =]
023. Righty or Lefty: Righty. Kind of ambidextrous

___Your 'Firsts'___
024. Surgery: I've never had surgery. Weird, huh?
025. First piercing: My ears when I was like eight, maybe?
026. First best friend: Kati Parg
027. First Award: MVP Student- Kindergarten. I'm pretty much the reason that award was invented. *lol*
028. First sport you joined: Dance at age 2. It's a sport. Get over yourself.
030. First vacation: Hamptons since I was born. We go every year. Ickk.
031. First concert: Hanson. I was such a child of the 90s.
032. First love: Aiden Daniels. Love you, doucebag =]

___Favorites___
033. Movie: The Breakfast Club, Anchorman, A Walk To Remember, Now And Then
034. Favourite TV show: One Tree Hill and The Office. You really can't compare them...
035. Color: Black and White. I'm so boring =]
036. Music: Classic Rock, Mostly indie and alternative stuff
039. Drink: Lemonade Iced Tea or Coffee.
040. Body part not on the face (on a boy/girl): Hands or Ass
041. Sport to play: Dance or Softball.
042. Favorite piece of clothing: Black Chanel Tailored Jacket
043. Brand of clothing? Diesel, Chanel, Urban Outfitters, H&M (depending). I shop everywhere.
044. What do you sleep with? Flannel pants and a white or black guys undershirt.
045. Favorite school: Deanna Bach's School of Vocal Aesthetic = LOVE
046. Favorite animal(s): Sloths. There's no explanation for this. I'm just weird.
047. Favorite books: The Perks Of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
048. Favorite magazines: VOGUE

___Currently___
049. I'm eating: Nothing
050. I'm drinking: Pumpkin Spice Latte
052. I'm about to: go to the gym
053. Listening to: "True Life" in the background
055. Waiting for: Amy to call
056. Watching: My cat try and squeeze her fat, yet lovable, ass through the chair legs.
057. Wearing: Jeans and my drama club hoodie

___Your Future___
058. Want kids? Someday
059. Want to get married? Definitely
060. Careers in mind: Journalist. Or English Teacer, as a novelist on the side.

__Which is better with A Guy/Girl__
068. Lips or eyes: Eyes
069. Hugs or kisses: Kisses
070. Shorter or taller: Taller (x28205021)
072. Romantic, spontaneous or larma: Spontaneously Romantic...?
073. Nice stomach or nice ass: Both.
074. Sensitive or loud: Both. I hate people that are obnoxious and too much of either of these is just that.
075. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
077. Trouble maker or hesitant? Trouble Maker. Assholes are sexy.

___Have you ever___
078. Kissed a stranger: Never
079. Drank bubbles: Not that I know of
080. Lost glasses/contacts: Don't wear them
081. Ran away from home: Nahh. I occasionally escape to the city for a day, but that's about it.
082. Broken a bone: Nope
083. Got an X-ray: Do C-scans count?
084. Broken someone's heart: I hope not
085. Turned someone down: Yes
087. Cried when someone died: Yes

___Do You Believe In___
089. God: I believe in A god. I don't know who s/he is
090. Miracles: Yes
093. Aliens: Yes
094. Magic: Yes
095. Heaven: Yes
096. Santa Claus: Negatory
097. Sex on the first date: Definitely not.
098. Kissing on the first date: No. Sorry, I'm old-fashioned
099. Angels: Yes

___Answer Truthfully___
100. Is there someone you want to be with now? He actually just left...
101. You want sombody else's boyfriend/girlfriend? No!
102: Have you cried in the last week? Negative

True Life- "I stutter" is on and it made me cry. This guy was calling a pizza place and because it took him too long to say the word "delivery", the guy on the phone hung up. Call me emotional, but it was sad. And I know people with disabilities probably don't want people to feel bad for them, but I really can't help it.

Teenage Wasteland...

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 00:25:19 GMT

First off-- Happy Birthday, craziprodigy

Okay. Now onto me, being, well...me. Everyday I venture across "campus" as we call it to the public section of the high school. (I go to the school of the arts, but that's a completely different story for a completely different time.) Anywho! I went to go hang out with Mr. Cat, who also happens to be the coolest teacher to ever walk the face of this planet, during my free period. This also happens to be his sixth period debate class that my boyfriend, my cousin, and all of my other friends happen to be in. Today they were debating on whether money could buy happiness or something along those lines. And somehow by the end of the class, a clusterfuck, of sorts was created.

I live in what we like to call the "Chalkies". All of the street names are prefixes for things having to do with chalk. It's a long story. Basically, the chalkies is a huge development separating the town park, the rural section of albany, and then the city of albany. Everyone hates us because as far as they're concerned we're just stuck-up rich kids. Which, don't get me wrong, we can be. But it sucks because today in class, these people that don't even know us, and don't even know me, were badgering us for where we came from. We didn't ask to grow up living this way. We were born into money, and as fortunate as that is; as fortunate as we are it's not all it's cracked up to be.

During the debate we argued things like parents always being away, earning the money we apparently live by, and how annoying it is to just be seen as the snobby kids. Needless to say, they didn't buy it. Which is understandable. As far as they're concerned, we are just the "Rich kids". It just sucks because they don't know us. Like none of the opposing teams arguments were valid. If anything, we gave them material to work with and actually supported their debate. In the end, no one won. Mr. Cat lives about four houses down from the house directly behind me. It really wouldn't have been fair for him to decide that one.

Hmm. People are ignorant.

My sister apparently got her tests back today and she doesn't have breast cancer. I really don't trust doctors though. Not that I want her to have breast cancer or I feel like she does in anyway, it's just that doctors are dumb. A few years ago they told her she had skin cancer on her leg. Two surgeries and a hole in the leg later, it was just "benign". Um, excuse me? God forbid I was ever in an orphanage. Oh, the babies I was ready to kick =]

My sister was funny though. She wanted to sue them for giving her the wrong diagnosis. Every time something even remotely legal occurs in her life she uses my moms job as an excuse to sue people like it's the natural thing to do. I, personally, think she's crazy. I mentioned psychiatric help. She through a pen at my head. Sibling love is such a beautiful thing. Really, it is.

"So scared to death of failure you sacrifice your soul, please let that go..."

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 20:46:30 GMT

I'm not sure if anyone on my flist is a fan of Grey's Anatomy. But Thursday's episode had this amazing song playing during the coda, called "I Will Show You Love" By Kendall Payne. It's possibly one of the best song I've heard in a really long time, and I definitely recommend giving it a listen.

Anywho, I officially hate living at home. Apparently, I have no right to say that because technically I'm a minor (which I could easily argue) but still. My mom is never home and when she is, she makes me want to punch babies. Mind you, I would never actually punch a baby, but by standards, that's how angry she makes me. She makes me want to kill infants. There, I said it.

We don't get along to begin with and lately she's been even more annoying than usual. OH and my sister is home early, and because they are so similar, they gang up on me for the dumbest stuff. My parents are divorced and today I went out with my dad. We talked about how annoying it is to live with my mother and for the first time I realized how similar my dad and I are. If he lived closer, I'd probably move in with him. I'm sick of waiting for my mom to go on business for me to be happy. It's not fair.

Okayy. I'm done venting/rambling/ranting. Whatever you want to call it.

I want my heart to shrink in size so I don't feel bad for complaining.

"She Has a Flare for the Dramatic..."

Sat, 27 Oct 2007 14:06:10 GMT

I had the apocalypse of all headaches, during school yesterday. I almost passed out student teaching my music theory class. Apparently I'm too stressed out and I'm putting my body on an overload, ~~of sorts~~. I've also been told by my english teacher to never use those two words ever again. That's probably what sent me over the edge. Aha. But yeah. I really felt like I was going to die. That's how heavy my head felt. Luckily, my director and my friends both love me because I left practice early and Meeleesah drove me home, in Audrenella's car, using Casey's gas money. It really was a team effort, folks.

Now today, my headache almost completely gone, I'm being forced to clean out my grandparent's house with my mother. I'd almost prefer having my headache back...

So after doing that I might write a little. I have homework to do but I'm trying to push that as far aside as possible. I refuse to believe that school can be this mandatory, for someone like me, atleast.

Oh and my sister might have breast cancer. After doing the 3-day in Pennsylvania for the past three years, I thought my karma would be gone, but apparently not. Mind you, that's clearly not the only reason I've done it. My aunt has breast cancer and my best friend had family members who have died, so we walk it together. And I obviously love the blisters and sweat. It still sucks, though =/

Nash, if you read this love, I have the tickets for you, if you want them...?

Official member of the "fckthatsht" group...

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 21:53:32 GMT

firefly_twlight, I know exactly what you mean about FanForum! I kid you not, I can't remember why I even joined. I'm pretty much the youngest there, and yet everyone else is so immature it's not even funny. I was going to reply to your post, but decided that a negative comment at six in the morning, would be better kept to myself, on my own journal.

Anywho. I haven't posted lately because I haven't been able to write...lately. School is all-consuming and I'm ready to poke myself in the eye with a fork. I'm taking six AP classes and three college courses and I need to do amazing in all of them if I want to graduate mid junior year, as planned. For three hours, in addition to the six that I'm normally at school, I teach a group of 100 kids how to harmonize to HSM. If you don't know that that is, I envy you right now. All of them hate me because I was the only freshmen accepted into the school I go to now. Needless to say, I'm waiting for one of them to slip me some iodine in my coffee or something.

Thennn. After that. I go home, eat dinner, then depending on the day I go to either dance or my theater company meetings. Both tend to be the highlight of my day.

Oh. And my boyfriend leaves for UNC soon, and I haven't seen him in a good 48 hours or so. I'm so priveleged, really.

UGHHHH. It had to be said.

So damn lucky.

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 22:35:55 GMT

I have such petty problems. Seriously, its ridiculous. I guess you could say I have a flare for the dramatic. And I guess you could also say I'm a huge complainer. But! I have absolutely nothing to complain about. I have this amazing life and I take every second of it for granted. And now I just sound like I'm bragging, but I'm really not. I just happen to be really lucky and I guess that makes me an even bigger bitch than I already am...?

Ghee Dee it. I need a personality do-over.

Oh and my math teacher. I thought he was gay. Today I actually decided to pay attention, which is out of the norm because math is such a breeze. And well...he's married! So I think he's just creepy now...

Just one of those days.

Sat, 13 Oct 2007 00:19:54 GMT

My name is Elle. And I'm a ranter. *shamefully sits down*

So today. Oh boy. It was Friday, which is normally amazing. You know, it sweeps in just welcoming the weekend with open arms. But I've come to realize that by waiting for moments that's all you'll ever do; wait. You'll never have the chance to experience the world and enjoy all it has to offer. At the moment I'm currently dealing with the whole "People Always Leave" concept. It's true. In one way or another people always do leave. And maybe she was right. Some people come back. But what if they don't. And what if you're still stuck in a place you're forced to call home while they're allowed to leave and actually live. You know, without restrictions. I have this thing. I don't hang out with people my own age because they're too immature and now most of my friends are two or three years older than myself. It's worked out splendidly until now. I seriously have perfect friends. And like a wall to the forehead, I'm just now realizing that next year I won't have any friends at all. I kid you not, they'll all be gone. And I'll still be here.

According to my boyfriend, this is bugging me more then I let onto because my sentences aren't as pretty as they normally are? Pfft.Oh, and currently the production manager of my theater company is crazy. In case anyone was curious. She's, no lie, certifiable. I'm quite lucky, as you can tell...

We Are Broken (NH-Mature Rated)

Wed, 10 Oct 2007 10:37:57 GMT

I realized that I haven't posted on my journal in say...fourteen weeks or so. Not only is that pathetic as a newbie, but it's pathetic as a writer. But! I have a fanfic for you. So forgive me?

Title: We Are Broken
Author: Elle
Pairing: Nathan and Haley
Rating: Mature Rated
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I own absolutely nothing.
Summary: Set four years after Season 4, Haley and Nathan are still living in Tree Hill with two children. But is everything as it seems?

Author's Notes: I wrote this to hopefully get our minds off the spoilers that have been circulating. God knows how Schwahn likes to shoot us when we're down =]

Thanks to Diane paradiseblue for beta-ing this for me! I love her for it!

Random note of the day...my JLs fic which I started at the beginning of the summer. Erm, not finished yet. I'm ALMOSt there, just give me time. As promised to a few special people, I'll definitely let you know when I begin to post it.

Enjoy guys!?

At the age of twenty-two both Nathan and Haley had built their lives up to be everything they had only hoped for. With two kids and a gorgeous house they were where they wanted to be in life. Yet here they stood, unaffectionate and detached from all they had ever known.

Nathan entered the kitchen wearing a pair of khakis and one of his many blue dress up shirts. His tie hung loosely around his neck as it waited to be knotted before work. “Hales, you need anything before I head out?” He questioned, his gym bag hung over his shoulder as he rested against the cool countertop, his back facing the window.

Haley shook her head, looking at her husband from the other side of the kitchen countertop. “Well, good morning to you.” She shook her head laughing at how her husband had only just now asked if she needed help, moments before he was due at work. "No, I think I’ve got it. Did you kiss James and Madison? James has his first intermediate game today and it would be nice if you were there.”

Nathan sighed, looking at the clock behind him and then back to his wife, her eyes tired and her mouth sincere. “I know. I already told him I’d be there. Save me a seat?” he questioned, walking over to the other side of the counter to stand by Haley’s side. He kissed her cheek, leaving his lingering want on her soft skin.

Haley smiled. “ You better be there,” she said, pointing to her husband as he walked out of their home.

Once he was outside, she licked her finger clean of the pancake mix that had splattered up and onto her skin. A frown instantly overtook her features as she solemnly poured the batter onto the already greased pan in front of her. It hit the hot metal with a sizzling noise but was soon overtaken by the jubilant sound of young James entering the room. His bright red cape dragged on the hardwood floor as his tiny sock-covered feet ran him around the living room, which was right off the kitchen. When he has ran out of energy, his feet brought him back into the kitchen and into his mother’s immediate eye-line.

“Jamie, did you brush your teeth?” Haley asked, surveying her son, all dressed and ready for school. A smile was plastered on his face displaying his barely there set of teeth. She flipped the pancakes on the stove and rested against the countertop, a spatula in hand as she waited for an answer from her son.
James nodded. “Yup! Daddy helped me before he left.”

“Did he? That was nice of him,” Haley spoke as she picked up the pancakes and placed them on the plate she had waiting. “Here you go, Bud. You want some milk?”

James nodded, immediately looking at the pancakes and smiling. “Yes, please.”

She set down a glass of milk in front of James just as she heard a wail from the other room. “Use your fork, Jamie.” With that, she disappeared into the other room. As she opened the door, the noise became louder and then ceased as she entered the yellow nursery.

“Hey, munchkin,” Haley said in a rather sing-song voice. “Good morning, did you sleep well?” The toddler in her arms laughed, playing with the earrings her mother was wearing. She scrunched her nose almost as if she was responding to her mother’s question. She kissed her daughter on the cheek, resting her on her hip as she walked out into the kitchen to join James.

Upon her entering the kitchen, James saw his mother and spoke, seeming curious, the way only a little kid knew how to be. “Mom, do you think Dad will really be there tonight?”

Lately, things hadn’t been the best between Nathan and Haley. They hadn’t been fighting but in all honesty they hadn’t been doing much of anything else either. Their conversations had been dwindled down to weather talk; and both of them were caught in the middle of it looking for answers. “Yeah he will be. Eat up though. You’re going to be late for school.”

Somehow, she too had reason to doubt her conviction. For some reason, her mind had told her otherwise and she had chosen to believe it.

***

The gym was crowded, but not packed. It felt weird being in a school gym again after so many years. During college, she had never missed any of Nathan’s games and frequently joined him when they went out of town to other universities for away games. To be completely honest she missed it, the lights and sounds of a college basketball game. Still, being excited for James was a completely different story seeing as how Nathan was nowhere to be found.

“Tutor mom!” Haley turned around seeing both Peyton and Brooke walking together, wearing bright smiles as they saw James and Madison by her side. Haley stood by the door to the gym waiting for her friends to catch up with her and her family. Well, part of it anyway.

“Oh, thank god,” Haley breathed out a sigh of relief, tilting her head back to show her dissatisfaction.

Brooke and Peyton immediately ignored their aggravated friend and made their way to where their respective godchildren were. “Hey, superstar!” Brooke looked at James, his once light brown hair was beginning to darken, taking on a shade much similar to his father’s. His height was reflected in the same way, as he appeared to be already much taller than the rest of the children that were scattered around the shiny basketball court. Brooke bent down to his level. “You going to make us proud?”

James nodded, smiling at his godmother with the widest of grins. “Guess what?”

“What?” Brooke asked, her face glowing, reflecting James’.

James turned around and pointed to the back of his jersey. “I have Daddy’s number! See! I’m going to grow up and be just like him.”

Brooke laughed, noticing that James did in fact have the number twenty-three on the back of his miniature basketball jersey. “Good for you, bud!” Brooke stood up after seeing that both Haley and Peyton were standing over her shoulder watching the two interact with spirited eyes. Peyton took Madison from Haley’s arms and watched as she giggled and cooed her way into her own.

Now it was Haley’s turn to crouch by her son as she saw that they had only fifteen minutes before the game was about to start. “You ready?” James nodded. “You’re going to do so good. Knock ‘em dead, okay?” She lovingly hugged her son and then pulled away taking in his gleeful appearance therefore causing herself to smile. She stood up, patting James on the butt signaling for him to walk over to where his team was practicing. Instead, he ran to where they were, high-fiving a few of the kids around him as he saw them.
Haley sighed, looking at Brooke and Peyton. She walked over to where they stood, surveying the crowd before them. “I can take her,” Haley said, extending her arms to her baby girl. Madison happily accepted, grabbing the air for her mother. The three of them continued to walk until they reached the middle of the bleachers where the stairs were. Ascending upon the risers they found a spot near the aisle, leaving room for both Lucas and Nathan when they decided to show up.

“God, I feel so young,” Brooke said, referring to the looks they were receiving from the rest of the parents in the gym.

Haley shook her head. “They’re not staring at you. They’re staring at me. I must have young slut written all over me.”

“Haley James-Scott! My godchild has ears! I’d prefer if they weren’t tainted with your silly talk,” Peyton exclaimed, pretending to cover up a sleeping Madison’s ears. Just as she did, Lucas sat down next to the three, immediately picking up Madison and rocking her back and forth.

“Who’s a young slut?” he asked, looking around for anyone matching the stereotype.

“I am” Haley said, continuously staring at the door waiting for her husband to walk in. Her mind was taken away but her eyes stayed focused on that same exact spot. “Did you see Nathan? He’s-”

Lucas cut her off. “Wait? What? Why?”

Haley reverted her eyes to her best friend, sitting on the opposite side of Brooke and Peyton. “Everyone’s staring at me because they probably think I’m a single mother.”

“Or maybe they’re wondering why they aren’t as hot as you are after having two kids? Because honestly I’d be wondering the same thing if I were them-” Brooke added, trying to help the situation.

Haley shook her head. Her phone vibrated signaling that she had received a text. Before flipping it open she noticed the time; ten minutes to game time. She read the screen and smiled. “Luke, can you do me a favor and go meet Nathan out in the parking lot? I’m too tired to climb down these damn bleachers,” she said, exasperated. Luke nodded. He placed Madison back in Peyton’s arms as he kissed Haley on the top of the head. His heavy feet then carried him down the wooden bleachers and out the door.

“Oooh! Did you catch the NCAA game the other night?” Brooke asked, her voice higher due to her sudden excitement.

“YES!” Peyton added, almost knowing what Brooke was about to say.

“How washed out are those bimbos on the UNC team?”

“Seriously!” Peyton said, laughing with Brooke as they both turned their attention to a silent Haley.

“I think Nathan may be cheating on me.” Without emotion the words fell from her mouth, and no matter how sincere they happened to be, it felt good to get them off her chest. Never once did she take her eyes off the door; its emptiness the reason she was speaking up in the first place.

“Wow! Hold the phone. Um, what?” Peyton said, turning her body to face her friend, while her arms rocked back and forth cradling the toddler in her arms.

Sensing Peyton’s urgency, Brooke plopped herself down on the other side of Haley, comforting her the only way she knew how. “Hon, you can’t seriously believe that.” She wrapped her arms around the blonde sitting to her right.

Tears began to form in Haley’s honest eyes as they stayed fixated on the game that was about to unfold in front of her. A tear rolled down her cheek, and she quickly brushed it away hoping that no one was too focused on her to catch her in such a vulnerable state. “Then what else? I mean…” she stumbled on her words, her emotions suddenly coming to her like electricity through a wire. “He comes home and plays with James and Madison and I get nothing but a kiss. And in the morning when I try and initiate something before the kids get up, he’s everything but willing to stay with me for a few minutes before work.”

Peyton rubbed Haley’s shoulder, consoling her friend as she shook her head in disbelief. “Okay, but cheating? I really doubt it Hales. It’s Nathan. I see the way he looks at you. Never have I ever seen that much passion in someone’s eyes.”

Brooke nodded in agreement. “Yeah, have you tried to talk to him?”

“And say what? ‘Hi, Honey. Are you sleeping around? Because if so I’ll go kill myself. Take care of the kids. I really loved you.’” Haley buried her face in her hands, wanting to stay positive but accepting the defeat as the tears continued to fall.

“Haley. Stop. Nathan loves you. Be reasonable and talk to him. He’ll be honest with you. I know he will.”

“Yeah and if he isn’t, then he’ll just be in for a hoes over bros ass kicking, okay?” Haley laughed at her best friend’s antics, forcing herself to cheer up as she saw both Nathan and Lucas enter the gym.

***

During half-time, the five friends walked down the bleachers to meet both Karen and Whitey. Haley stopped halfway as she felt Nathan’s grasp on her arm grow strong, sending her jolting in his direction. She smiled as she felt his urgency surge through her body. “Hi” she said smiling as he kissed her cheek. It left her wanting more as her hopes fell to the floor. Taking the initiative Haley grabbed her husband’s face, cupping his cheeks and then kissing his lips with passion unlike any other. As she felt his arms snake around her back and rest in her jean pockets, she sighed into his mouth, placing her tongue at the doorway to his lips, begging for immediate entrance. Nathan pulled away, sensing the situation and knowing this was his only escape. Once again, Haley sighed, missing the familiar feeling of his lips on hers. He grabbed for her hand and she faked a smile as the two walked down the bleachers to stand with the rest of the group.

“Well look who it is. Don’t I feel old,” Whitey spoke, smiling at the still young couple as they stood attached at the hip. Haley immediately hugged Whitey, smiling at his appearance at her son’s basketball game. “I hope he’s not giving you too much trouble,” Whitey spoke, his eyes looking at Nathan in the sternest of remarks.

She grabbed for her husband, hugging him from the side as she sensed the urgency to be close to him again. Nathan wrapped his arm around Haley’s waist, smiling down upon her.
Haley shook her head in disagreement. “Of course not.”

Nathan loosened his grip on her waist and turned his back to the rest of the group as he felt the burning holes in the back of his head. “Baby, I’m gonna go get some water. You want anything?” he asked, sincere yet wanting so badly to get out of the state in which he was currently enveloped in. She shook her head, surveying the crowd for a young blonde catching his eye. Instead, she saw Peyton and Brooke grabbing a hold of her husband and pulling him quickly towards the door. She narrowed her eyes in confusion, not quite knowing what to make of the situation. Deciding to let them be, she walked to where Lucas was standing with what was left of the group.

***

“So, Nate, how are things?” Brooke asked. The three of them walked through the hall leading from the gym to the lobby of the school where concessions were being sold. Various women snaked an eye at Nathan, his male instinct knowing better than to look because he simply wasn’t interested.

“Um, what?”

“Don’t play dumb, Nathan,” Peyton added, pointing a finger at her confused friend.

“Um, I’m fine. You two,” he paused, “I’m not so sure about.”

Brooke shook her head, giving a dirty look to one of the mothers that had her eyes set on Nathan. “HE’S MARRIED FOR GOD‘S SAKES!!” She averted her attention back to Nathan, her eyes narrowing in disgust

“What she meant was-” Peyton’s voice softened. “Are you and Haley okay?”

Nathan shook his head. “Yeah, why wouldn’t we be?” he questioned. The more nervous he got, the more he twirled his wedding ring, almost as if he was looking to Haley for guidance.

“Haley told us-.” Peyton stopped talking, trying to gather her thoughts as well as figuring out what she wanted to say. “Are you hurting Haley in anyway? Just… I mean, if you are…” She stopped talking as she noticed Brooke staring at her with the same hurtful eyes.

“What are you talking about, Peyton? Seriously. I’m actually kind of offended that either of you would think that I’m hurting Haley in anyway. God. Who the fuck do you think I am?”

“Nate, you don’t need to get mad.”

“Yes, I do. She’s my wife and I love her. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her.”

Peyton looked to Brooke wondering if they should drop it. Before her green eyes caught Brooke’s brown, her friend spoke. “Well it’s just…” She paused, much like Peyton did a few moments earlier. “Are you cheating on Haley?”

Beat.

“Oh my god-” Nathan rubbed his eyes and then looked back to his concerned friends.

“Just answer the question Nathan. Are you cheating on her?”

He shook his head. “I have to go.”

Peyton and Brooke walked back to the bleachers joining their makeshift family where they were sitting. They both smiled at everyone, their eyes locking on Haley’s as they noticed her pain stricken expression.

“Where’s Nathan?” she asked, noticing that the game was about to start up again and her husband was nowhere to be found. Peyton and Brooke shared a knowing expression, both trying to decide what to say.

“He said he had to go-” Peyton stopped noticing that Haley had now stood up. “Hales-”

She shook her head, signaling for her best friend to stop talking. She then turned to Lucas and spoke. “Can you take James and Madison tonight? I-We…” Lucas cut her off with a knowing smile as he watched her run down the bleachers and out into the hallways of the school.

***

Haley slowly stuck her gold plated key in the lock separating her from the inside of what she used to call home. The night wind blew harsh on her back, forcing her to turn the doorknob and step inside, much quicker than expected. As her feet touched the carpet, she gasped seeing the vast foyer of her house illuminated with candles that were scattered along the hardwood floor. Tears filled her eyes, sparkling against the bright luminescence of the room. Quietly, she closed the door leading to outside.

“Hales.”

Turning, she faced the voice she knew belonged to her husband. In that instant she broke down in tears, her emotions for the taking as her knees began to buckle underneath her weight. He walked to where she stood, towering over her small, fragile body. Haley shook with sadness, letting everything collect on her husband’s now soaked shoulder.

“Baby, baby, shhhhhh. It’s okay.” Haley looked up at her husband and began to cry again. She tightened the grip she had around his waist, never wanting to let go because it just felt that good to know he was near.

“I’m hurting, Nathan.”

“I know. Me too, Hales.” He pulled her in for a hug, kissing the top of her head and holding her close. Haley released the grip she held on him, making sure the moment was real and that she could still move. She looked up at him, his eyes hazy. She smiled, knowing that he was never one to cry but in the past when he had, it had been for her. Seeing her smile, he joined her, trying to push away the sadness as he wiped away her tears.

Closing his eyes, Nathan leaned in and lightly brushed her lips with his own trembling ones. He opened them a moment later to see her still crying, but the shaking had ceased and her arms were once again around his waist.

“Hey.” He lifted her chin with his index finger. “I love you”

Those words never failed; Haley smiled, standing on her toes to kiss her husband ever so softly. As they broke apart, Nathan grabbed her hand and pulled her with him into the living room, which was much brighter than the darkened foyer.

“I’m not cheating on you, Hales. I wouldn’t do that. All this-” he paused. “All this is for you.”

“I know that now,” she said, embarrassed, her rosy red cheeks aiming towards the floor.

“Then why did you doubt it?” He asked, his tone shaking her a little bit.

“Because, Nathan! You haven’t been around lately. And when you are it’s for Madison and James, which is perfect. Most wives wouldn’t complain but I need me time, too. I love that you spend time with our children, I do. But I need you, too.”

“I know you do.”

She continued, “And I’m sorry if I gained a little weight after having Madison. I’m trying you know- I, I go to the gym three times a week and I’m eating healthy-”

Nathan cut her off with a look of disgust and confusion written across his face. “Wait, you think that this is what this is about? You being unattractive?!”

Haley rubbed a tear out of the corner of her eye, not really sure why it was about to fall in the first place. “Well yeah! If not that, then what, Nathan? You don’t even give me the time of day anymore! I try and try to initiate something and you give me the cold shoulder. What do you want me to believe?”

Nathan shook his head continuously and finally stopped to turn his attention back to his wife, who was still nestled comfortably on against his lap facing him. “I want you to believe that I want you so bad right now it’s killing me. And fine!” Nathan almost got angry at his wife’s accusation, because it was the farthest thing from the truth. “You want to know the real reason I can’t look at you? I can’t look at you because ever since the pregnancy I didn’t think you wanted to be intimate again. You’d put yourself out there but you were always so unsure Haley. And you have to believe me when I say that there we so many times when I wanted to have you all to myself, all night. But I felt like it’d be just for me. That we’d make love and when it was over you’d regret it because you’d only be doing it to make me happy. I need to know you’re happy too, Hales” Nathan spoke, his breath hitching in the back of his throat. As much as he hated to admit it, Haley had power over him like any other. “And god, when you walk around in your nightie now... What am I supposed to do? I respect you if anything and I- I just thought you weren’t ready!”

“You what?”

Nathan pinned his wife up against the wall which had her feeling vulnerable as her hands were down by her side. He whispered in her ear, his mouth right by her ear causing her body to tremble with heat. “You’re sexy as fuck and it’s taking everything in me not to do anything about it.”

“Nathan- I need you,” she said simply, cupping his face as she pulled him in for a searing kiss that left them both speechless.

“Hales, don’t tease, baby,” he whispered in her ear once more, smiling as she began to kiss his neck, sending fairly familiar sensations through his body. He missed feeling her lips on his skin and the familiar contact he was experiencing was about to send him over the edge.

Suddenly Haley became insecure, feeling as if she was back in high school displaying just how inexperienced she was. Her cheeks, now rosy, turned warm as she whispered up into her husband’s ear, the faint smell of his cologne lingering near his neck. “I’m not teasing.” She paused, smiling as the words left her still lips. “I want you.” Haley then kissed a path down Nathan’s neck, feeling more confident as he dropped his head back to allow for her to continue. He groaned as she rubbed against his now throbbing erection which was pressing almost painfully against the zipper of his jeans.

As Haley continued to travel south on his skin, she pulled and played with the hem of his t-shirt. “Can we-?” Nathan immediately took off his sweater, hearing it hit the couch as he threw it over his shoulder. He seized her lips in a fiery kiss. The smile on his wife’s swollen lips forced him to push her up against the wall once more, causing the distance in-between them to disappear completely now.

Haley cupped her husband’s cheeks, loving the feel of his afternoon stubble against the palm of her hand. She moaned as they were caught in yet another kiss. This time, Haley probed her tongue inside his mouth to tangle wetly with his own. She pulled away, biting her lip and enjoying the amount of passion that now filled the dimmed room. Nathan smiled, knowing she only bit her lip when she was really turned on. He loved the effect he had on her. As he watched his wife unbutton her shirt and reveal her lacy black bra, he was reminded that she had that same effect on him.

Haley removed her shirt, teasing as the cotton fell to the floor. Her still flat stomach was in plain view now, causing her husband to smile at the sight of her creamy skin waiting for his touch. “God, you’re beautiful,” Nathan said, capturing her lips with his own as his hand kneaded her left breast. Haley dropped her head back, feeling all of the heat in her body travel to her center.

Nathan, repeating her earlier actions, began to kiss a path down her neck, and then moved even further south towards her navel, until he was kneeling in front of his half-dressed wife. His hands eagerly played with the zipper of the A-line skirt she was currently wearing. Haley looked down at him, giving him a look of frustration as her cheeks flushed, indicating her disapproval. “Nathannn-” she managed in between clenched teeth.

He laughed, looking up at her and slowly pulling the zipper of her skirt down, his eyes marveled as the material pooled around her feet. There she stood, in nothing but her matching lingerie, with her stockings and heels still on. Nathan gestured to her shoes while still on his knees, and he watched as she complied and kicked them off for him. She deeply wanted him to speed up the process but she knew that if she was patient, the reward would be worth it. She was reminded of this as Nathan kissed a path close to the hem on her panties, sending shivers down her legs and up her spine.

In one swift motion, Nathan picked Haley up, holding her wedding style in his bare arms. She squealed, laughing as her feet left the ground. He carried her upstairs and to their bedroom. Laying her on the bed, he kneeled before her and, with his thumbs, he pulled down her stockings leaving her in just her bra and panties, her hair cascading lightly around her shoulders.

Now standing at the foot of the bed, he grabbed for his belt and began to undo it. He was stopped as he felt Haley’s petite hands grab for his own, as she shook her head and pulled at his belt. “Lemme do it,” she said. She leaned in for a kiss and as they pulled away, she pulled at his belt, and immediately began to undo his jeans, quickly pushing them down and then allowing him time to kick them off. He smiled as he crawled towards her in just his boxers now, his bulge now anything but subtle.

Haley wrapped her hand around Nathan’s neck, his warm skin coming into contact with her own as her lips met his in a scorching open-mouthed kiss. “I missed this,” she whispered in between kisses, her hot breath landing on his neck just enough so that his erection rubbed against her center. Nathan nodded in response to his wife’s comment. His hand snaked around to her back, grabbing for the clasp on her bra and seemingly finding it within seconds. He knew her body like the back of his hand and after having James, he knew just how fast certain things needed to be done.

Still, their want for one another never slowed down.

Exposed, laying before her husband, Haley cupped Nathan through the thin material of his boxers. If at all possible, he grew even harder in her hand, his need for her becoming more apparent as she teased up and down his length. She laughed as he stifled a moan in the back of his throat. He brought his hand down to hers, stopping her from sending him over the edge. “You’re killing me, Hales-”

She smiled, laying back on the bed, Nathan still lofty above her, his breath ragged as it came into step with her own. He kissed her neck before becoming preoccupied with her breasts that laid pressed up against the planes of his chest. He licked a loving circle around her soft bud, feeling it harden against his wet touch. He smiled, closing his lips around her nipple one last time before moving further south and paying special attention to her belly-button.

Nathan kneeled, hovering over her and Haley smiled at him, all the love in her body causing her to almost melt beneath him. He grabbed for her panties, teasing the material down her legs and revealing her hot center waiting for him. Leaning over until his hand hit the nightstand, he grabbed a condom and handed it to his impatient wife. Without thinking, she set the foil back on the nightstand looking him in the eyes.

“No,” she said simply.

Nathan cocked his eyebrow at her, confused by her actions. “What do you mean no? Hales, we-”

“If it’s okay with you, I-”

“Haley?” he questioned as he watched her face suddenly become sad.

“No, it’s fine.” She grabbed the condom in her hands and ripped the wrapper. Nathan smiled at how sexy his wife was, using her teeth to open the foil. He kissed her, flipping them over and forcing her to sit up and now straddle his waist.

Her eyes were still sad, retaining the look they had held only a few minutes ago, before he had suddenly realized the truth. “Hales, I was just confused,”

“It was stupid.” She kissed him, trying to get off the subject but as she felt him remove his lips from her own, she knew he was serious.

“Do you really want to have another baby? You’re ready for it?”

Haley sighed, her eyes returning to meet his. “More than anything.” Nathan smiled, causing his wife to smile as well as he leaned into her and kissed her with all he had.

That night they made love numerous times, each time renewing their passion for one another. In all honesty, he had wanted to have another baby since the minute after Haley had given birth to Madison. Just seeing her so happy and content with life made him feel the same and he wanted nothing more than to feel that for the rest of his life.

Hello?

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 06:21:18 GMT

As by request, I, Elizabeth Ann McDermott, have finally created a LiveJournal. Yes, it has finally happened. I figured it needed to happen sooner rather that later, so that by the time I finished with my JLs FanFiction, I could just post it here. Then agian, that won't be complete for another few months. So in the meantime I'll figure my way around here and possibly post on things like DareYouToWrite and such. Who knows...maybe I'll create a community or something. Oh great, I'm rambling. Get used to it, it never seems to end =]